…conversations and community
Earlier this year, I got to share on my birthday that the yearly tradition would be to encapsulate some beautiful wisdom from my community.
Here is the booklet of the 27 conversations into connection! Or if you prefer my regular blog format ;) follow along below. Thank you for being here xx
turning 27
conversations into connection
in conversation with Cecilia Pang
Just open the door of yourself
to another, become the space
they step through to show you
who they are. This is holiness:
two people seated together
on the pew of a park bench,
At the altar of a kitchen table.
Even if no one says a word
for a while, receive the silence
until it’s like a new language
only the two of you can speak.
– James Crews
introduction
This is a project about listening and love. A project possible because of wonderful people who through their essence continue to offer possibilities of curiosity, creativity, and creation.
I want to thank friends and family. To the ones that I have been inspired from in conversation, thank you. To the many more, strangers, colleagues, and acquaintances that over the years your insights and wisdom have graced my understandings of the world and who I am. To the very ones, whose generous listening, patient attention, and unconditional love, make me me. I love you deeply and gratefully.
And the most special thank you to my sister for this beautiful cover, we got to co-create it together :)
To Dr. George Elliott Clarke who has been a champion of me as a creative artist, poet, and writer over the past decade. Thank you for your generous words healing and encouraging me.
To Dr. Lia Howard and Dr. Sarah Ropp and the incredible team at Penn’s SNF Paideia program for facilitating my personal and professional growth in the best of ways. Thank you for your support and empowerment of me.
dedication
In lieu of a table of contents, I want to thank the people at the heart of 27 (of many more conversations) that I hope to share with all of you. There are so many people in my life who I have benefitted greatly from. And I can’t wait for my future works to reflect my amazing community.
With no particular order, thank you:
Christina Huang
Anna Jurkevics
Shruti Mehta
Roxanne Viau
George Elliott Clarke
Shandon Coffman
Gabriela Lopez
Keon Kim
Rachel Hulvey
Nehal Bajpai
Betty Wang
Fred Cutler
Mark Warren
Serhat Onel
Chris Pocock
Lia Howard
Sarah Ropp
Marc Meredith
Martin Sutherland
Simone Liano
George Agaranos
Betty Wang
Boone McElroy
Grandpa Wang
Mom
Dad
Esther
one
the power of truth
Honesty is the start. At the heart of justice is telling the stories of this world as they are. We don’t tell the good stories, we tell the true ones. So cast out the desire for performance, for thinking about perception...and just be. Being honest about who we are and living in this world requires the utmost strength and courage but we can do it.
Is it imperative that we walk together? Can we open up a collective invitation to seek the unknown inner and have a faith that through the journey of transformation we will continue to share in the responsibility to hold one another in the ways we contribute and make mistakes in this life.
two
the patience of love
Let love change you. Let relationship shape you. Your dreams are resilient. You are resilient. Don’t let the fear of falling prevent you from tapping into the potential of possibility.
The beauty that comes from our friendship is that we taught each other something we never thought we would want to learn or even imagined. You taught me the intimacy that can come from sustained intentionality and the nurture of words. You didn’t shy away from showing your vulnerability and affection. Don’t ever change that because the right people for you will value you for it.
So the little girl that dreams of being a scientist and a writer is possible even when in love. Because the right person for you will love you as you continue to evolve into the person you want to be. And you will be that for them too.
Love you.
three
shining bright
Take up the power. This is the recognition of one’s inherent dignity and worth and immense light. You are making a difference in your choices, words, and actions. Just remember that people do throw things at things that shine.
When people say the hurtful of things and choose to destroy rather than build, it is more of a projection of what they’re going through rather than anything about who you are. We all reproduce the patterns we grew up finding familiar.
So forgiveness is never about forgetting. It’s about remembering how in spite of the pain and brokenness and suffering, we have the choice to choose a life different. What’s ahead of us is still waiting.
four
(mis)-communication
Any relationship is built on trust and trust, communication. Yet we all talk and the wires get crossed. The red you see, is not the red I see. And yet, we keep trying. Keep talking. Keep listening.
Communication and choosing to share what’s going on is the best way we can disentangle the mix ups between intentions and outcomes. The way words land and get received are an act of co-creation. I hear things because I was spoken to that all my life. You say things because you mean this and yet I understand it completely differently.
That’s what relationship is, a making of music. Symphonies, harmonies, cacophonies too. Playing good music together, good conversation, is the most intimate form of attunement.
Hearing what is actually said and what needs to be heard. Speaking is what we actually say and intend to say. You need to speak up about your needs and cast out the fear that someone won’t listen. Maybe they will or they won’t but that tells you something, doesn’t it?
five
you are what you love
Never lose sight of the things you love. Take time to always do them. Paint. Write. Talk. You are doing them and I see it. Be proud.
Time and attention are the greatest gifts we can give. Steward them preciously.
six
letting go: let it gooo
It’s more than okay to cry over spilled milk. The milk was meaningful to you. Take the time you need, be patient. And then, before you know it. You’ll have made peace. You’ll begin to let go. You’ve let go.
It’s okay, the milk was there for you and now it’s not. Celebrate the milk for what it was. Now, go find more milk.
seven
purpose(s)
We want to do more good. We want to do good work. We want to be good people. It’s okay to see life as more than that. Beauty. Love.
Live the best life with the right choices, continue to be a person of integrity. Live the best life with the eye to let people and experiences change you. Keep an open heart so that the unexpected can keep you in reverence and in love, always.
eight
death and living
“What’s the best thing about being thirty now?” I asked.
“To recognize that death is coming for all of us. The best things my patients teach me is that your resume isn’t the one holding your hand as you die on the hospital bed. I remember that.”
One day we’ll lie down and not get up.
One day, all we guard will be surrendered.
Until then, we’ll go on learning to recognize what we love, and what it takes; to tend what isn’t for our having.
– Li-Young Lee, To Hold
nine
people show you who they are
“What are you afraid of? Do it. Say it. Tell them what you need. Pay attention carefully. People always show you who they are. You want to listen and then do with that information what you will.”
ten
connecting dots
It’s never about what happens. It’s about what the happenings tell us about what we care about and who we are. It’s about the meaning of those things, what they represent.
“Was it perhaps that you wanted all your life to get your mom’s approval? And feel like you never did?”
We really are just little children living in the bodies of adults. The little child in me wants to be told that her mommy is proud. I think she is and I know she loves me but…is she proud of me? I’m really not sure.
It’ll be okay as we continue to chart the waters of our future, now knowing why we sought the validation of our advisors, bosses, teachers, and peers so much. It was all in pursuit of that final reckoning. That coming home.
We are home. We are proud of ourselves. That will not only suffice, it is enough.
eleven
mirrors on mirrors
Don’t forget. All that good you refract and reflect is at the core a representation of who you are. You are the common denominator of all the people who love you and admire you. Don’t ever forget that I am who I am because of you.
twelve
be the change
Sometimes we feel small standing next to the ocean. The ocean is a composite of every drop of water. It is because of it all. All the drops. Each single drop coming together.
I’ll show you the story:
“Young lady, do you not realize that there are many miles of beach and thousands of starfish? You cannot possibly make a difference.”
The young woman bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea.
“It made a difference for that one.”
– Adapted from Loren Eiseley
Be the difference, be the change. In your actions and words, you have power. You are the agent of the ripple effects you can bring to your family, friends, community, and world.
thirteen
like water
Let it flow, let it be.
In life, the things that are meant to be for you, will happen. Work hard but don’t let anything or person subsume you. Even yourself. Do and be. Do the things that matter and learn to be like water, just flow. Go and be.
fourteen
trusting oneself
You are more wise than you think you are. More mature and experienced because life will give you lemons and you will make the best lemonade when you didn’t even have the recipe.
So trust your wings. Birds that are learning to fly, learn quickly that safety is not clinging to the tree branch, it’s recognizing that your wings hold you. You can fly. You don’t have to let the branch breaking be what matters. Let your flying wings be what matters.
fifteen
pain as a form of loving
When we are wounded, we retreat. Not wanting the pain to hurt others. A pain shared is seemingly suffered twice. Yet can we see it differently?
Heart breaks so our spirit doesn’t?
Grief as a different form of having loved?
Pain as a different way of loving and being loved?
(see Andrea Gibson & Louise Glück)
Maybe we think pain isn’t part of love. But is it not? Sometimes it tells us that we have loved.
We loved. We lost.
sixteen
let me see your brave
Let me hear you. I want to see you live. I want to know it. Showing up and being present is your resistance. Being here matters. You matter.
seventeen
celebrating our differences
Indeed, I am trying to accept the difference as the start of a formative relationship. I’m not going to try to be what you want of me as I don’t and can’t ever be that. I will be my own person as will you.
Just as much as you won’t agree with me and my decisions, I just as much don’t agree with yours. That’s okay. We can still have a beautiful relationship of difference.
I won’t try to shape you and expect you to be the mom I wanted you to be and accept the love from you as the mom that you are. Just as much as I hope you will accept me as the individual person that I am.
Your beloved daughter nonetheless.
eighteen
be messy
Remember how we coloured outside the lines in reckless abandon? Why did we forget?
Messiness is something else. The messiness of life is showing our true colours with another and see how it blends beautifully or not so much with other colours. That’s okay.
Messes of colours—conflicts—are an indication that we stay true to ourselves with someone else. Because how can you actually be known if you only show up as the version of you that’s colouring inside all the lines?
We can’t love and be loved if we are trying to only be the version of us that is easy to love.
Don’t forget to be messy. Let your hair wild and the colours bleed.
nineteen
i am, who i am
We are strong and we are sensitive. We can be both. Sometimes we are needy, sometimes demanding. Sometimes confident, sometimes un-assured. Sometimes anxious, sometimes avoidant. Sometimes content, sometimes apprehensively still searching.
We can be this and that. Both things can be true. Not buts. Just ands.
twenty
love as co-creation
My parents taught me at a young age that love wasn’t just a feeling or an emotion that one can “feel” one day and not the next. Love is about active choices and daily commitments.
As one of my favourite writers Ursula Le Guin says, love is an ongoing process:
“Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”
So in choosing love, we take responsibility to care for others and for ourselves. Love doesn’t just happen. Love is co-created.
twenty one
the journey
Process over perfection x infinity.
You told me that failure is the mother of success. How about failure as the portals of discovery? (see James Joyce).
Our errors and blunders are a journey of experimentation to learn just a little bit more to tweak and adapt and reinvent.
twenty two
give me the difficult
“Our cultural fear of discomfort demands that we stay in control of outcomes, so we try our best to protect and shield ourselves and others. But what if we are shielding ourselves from the very experiences that could transform us? What if our society's obsession with avoiding pain is actually preventing us from accessing profound growth?”
– Rebecca Heiss
Being annoyed is the price we pay for connection and community. Being uncomfortable is the price we pay for learning.
It’s easy for us to want community, but it’s very different to actually invest personally and collectively into the requirements that can then foster a strong community, which is both effort and sacrifice.
How might we be called to loving some people really well, even if it’s hard? How can we learn from the discomfort and be called into it, together?
twenty three
hope as resistance
We read Emily Dickinson in elementary. “Hope is the thing with feathers.”
I choose to believe in the impossible. I choose to believe in the good of people. I choose to believe that there is something worthwhile to fight for. I choose to believe that all of this around us is awe-inspiring.
Hope sustains and it heals.
I see the tangible examples every day. I seek it. I let it change me and keep me afloat when fear and hurt want to anchor me down.
People are mean. People hurt. People destroy, kill, avenge. And people step up, people become the revolution from the spirit of hope.
twenty four
just ask
Ask. What’s the worst anyone can say? No. No! NO!!
Well, ask someone else. And just keep asking.
twenty five
the glory, the joy
Hi,
We used to want to fit in for others, fit the mold of specific people we craved affection from. For you, anything.
Now, we know that we didn’t belong to ourselves. We’ve grown up and realized that’s a type of betrayal. A deep betrayal to ourselves that we can no longer fathom participating in.
Sincerely,
recovering people pleasers.
twenty six
responsibility
Growing up we worked so hard for success that placed a great weight on scale and visibility. More, more. Faster, better, smarter. With power comes responsibility. Visibility brings scrutiny. More judgement.
Do we forget that success needs to be rooted in responsibility? Also can exposure and critique build people up not tear them down?
When I was young, my own “success” meant I didn’t do well with critique internally. My work was me. Everything, an extension of my identity. I wasn’t proud that I took things too personally. I was angry at them. I was most angry at myself.
I’m older now. I accept that in order to have survived, I didn’t always get to change things and be the change. I was also complicit. While I sit with pride for my resiliency, I also try to show myself grace as I sit with this injustice.
twenty seven
paradise of learning
“Learning is a place where paradise can be created…with all of its limitations, it remains a location of possibility. In that field of possibility we have the opportunity to demand of ourselves and our comrades an openness of mind and heart that allows us to face reality even as we collectively imagine ways to move beyond boundaries, to transgress.”
– bell hooks, Teaching to Transgress
Thank you for this opportunity to learn from and with you. Let us take up this invitation to create the paradise of learning rooted in creativity, curiosity, and community.
epilogue
In life, there is no perfection. As humans, we are deeply flawed. Imperfect in how we show up for others and care. In spite of it, in our ways of being together we can learn how to love.
In loving, we “construct a world from a de-centered point of view other than that of my mere impulse to survive or re-affirm my own identity…love is always the possibility of being present at the birth of the world.”
– Alain Badiou, In Praise of Love
If we are to let our hearts speak, we can begin to co-create those spaces where stories are shared and re-imagine the ways in which two people can connect across the vast universes of their differences and witness a discovery of something profound, genuine, sacred, and holy.
Because “if we really listen in the parlors of our minds and look at each other as we were meant to be seen—then we would fall in love. We would marvel at how beautifully we were made…The stories aren't the thing. The thing is the story of the story. The spending of the time. The falling in love.”
– Daniel Nayeri, Everything Sad Is Untrue
thank you for your attention
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
– Simone Weil, Letter to Joë Bousquet (April 13, 1942)
made with love
by
Cecilia Pang
December 2025
