turning 27 conversations…
…into connection and community :)
Keeping this birthday tradition alive and brief because the best surprise is yet to come?
Almost twelve hours ago, I made my 27th rotation around the sun. A lot has happened in the last year and a lot I still have to process. One things for certain. I have learned immensely. In fact, the amount of perseverance that I needed in every ounce of my body taught me how much more resilient I have become in the face of loss, failure, uncertainty, and intense amounts of stress that I did not think were possible. Yet more than ever when the night is dark, one is able to see so much more clearly how bright the stars twinkle and shine. My friends and family this year showered me with love and support and undeniable listening as I countered the trials and celebrate the triumphs. It’s funny as I thought with time, the experiencing of emotions associated with the highs and lows would dim. And while I take a little less time to let setbacks hurt or to sit with rejection as long as I might have used to, the intensity in which I still feel awe, anger, sadness, grief, fear, gratitude, courage, resolution, loss, anxiety, and straight up scared shitless-ness especially as I enter into my third year of the Ph.D is sometimes concerning but then I realize it’s because of how much I care. I’ll share more in the collection to come but a few months ago when the doubt was so saturating, Federer’s ‘24 commencement speech popped up up as I was descending down a NYTimes rabbit hole. Various points stood out. One really spoke to me: “Tennis can show me the world but it can never be the world.” I made the Ph.D. my world and that wasn’t healthy. I put a pause on dating and pretty much all my creative writing because I wanted to give it my all. A variety of crazy, scary events happened in the past two years that eroded my confidence and while I feel I know less than when I started (even though I know that isn’t entirely true), I’m slowly rebuilding that belief. And I’m learning how to let go. Not chastising myself for how much I care and how much intentionality I give and expect to receive.. but to learn how to exercise a healthy de-attachment when necessary yet remain passionate and convicted for me work. So let’s put it succinctly, I hope you feel that in moments of darkness, self-doubt and that fear when it clouds in, that if you are willing to open up your heart, so much good can flow out of the kindness of the people around you and as their light shines, the flickering will grow stronger into a powerful blaze.
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*drumroll* I want to have the funnest surprise for my community—my lovely friends, mentors, colleagues, and family :) For a while as I thought about turning 27, I was thinking how I could make it fun and special and well, my life is special because I have the greatest gifts of incredible people literally lifting me up. In this past year, I doubted myself like never before. And in those moments of not feeling capable, my kind friends repeatedly pushed me forward and reminded me of my potential. Christina, Rachel, and Gabriela I honestly and most sincerely would not have known where I would be without those texts and FaceTimes, messages and check ins. My mom, my sister, my dad. Deepa, Tom, my cohort (Kameron, Ky, and Luke). So much more people. Clara, Jenna, Maya, Shandon, Shruti, and Ben for helping me move. Nina, Esther, Timothy, Sirwan, and a bunch of IQMR folks who sent me wonderful texts. My professors, now friends, Fred, Anna, Mark, Marc, Jamie, Lia, Sarah, George….goodness you all were there for me.
7 is one of my favourite numbers, I got thinking and thought why not create a collection of art and essays of conversations that have really impacted me by 27 awesome people in my life. I’ve been meaning to do this in some shape or form but really felt inspired by the creative Clara. So my immense gratitude to you, my friend. While I fell behind the deadline I had for myself given the unexpected turns of my PhD, I am hoping to work on this creative collection throughout the summer and fall. Over the course of the next few months, I’ve invited, welcomed, and more than encouraged my 27 people to reflect and co-create with me a reminder of our friendship through creativity and curiosity to cultivate themes of connection and community. The end product would hopefully be a self published collection / book titled “turning 27…conversations into connection and community.” This is just for fun, but if you know me I love this kind of stuff that gets me to reflect and be awe inspired. With this, I cap off my shortest blog for now because today, now that I’m 27, let’s begin 😜!!
p.s. my lovely film and iPhone photos of the past year may make a feature either as inspo for art or as photography in the collection. can you tell i’m excited?!!!
